You are currently viewing SEXUAL DISCIPLINE: How to develop self-control (Men)

SEXUAL DISCIPLINE: How to develop self-control (Men)

We live in arguably the most advanced, learned, liberal and sensitive time of modern-day civilization where all you need do to see a dream come true is to actually “dream it”. We live in a world where you could watch a movie and by the end of the movie, you may wish to be identified as a “John Wick’s dog”; but for some very odd reason, people can’t seem to decide or at the very least choose to identify as decent!

“My back has been hurting for some days now, I really wish I had someone give me a massage abeg”.

Sexual Discipline

I am sure you must have heard this statement before “Guys and girls can’t be friends”, or this “a person’s body count shouldn’t be discussed”, there are a ton of misconstrued statements made these days that just scream LACK OF ACCOUNTABILITY for ladies and LACK OF SELF CONTROL for gents. It begs this question Na ment?

Just as it is important to have sexual orientation talks with kids and younger ones, it is also very important to have sexual discipline conversations among yourselves. Sex is the most overrated, cheap, common, basic but yet one of the most pleasurable “sins” or things to ever do. To base your worth on it shows just how low, dispensable, and ultimately useless you are in the larger scheme of things. You hear a lot of men ask ladies this question “what do you bring to the table” testifying to the fact that sex is cheap, be it as it may a very good and legit question, I believe the reply to such a question should be “what is this table made of?”.

Sexual Discipline

“E shock you abi lol” It is a very sound reply to give because it’s very easy to sit there, act all high and mighty and believe you are the trophy, prize money and the whole competition when in reality, you really are not worth the attendance. “I know it seems I’m picking on guys here but, a kettle can’t call a pot black”.

A lot of men do not possess qualities fit to lay the foundation for a hut but carry the ego and persona of an Emperor governing a whole continent. It’s quite comical also, that society has conditioned men to prioritize money and success above everything else, attributing their worth to what they can provide and yet crying foul when they lack the qualities needed to be a man, father children, or lead a home.

Self Control is a strength not a gift

Self-control really is a necessity I believe every man should possess, it not only singles him out to be disciplined, and a more rounded person, it also helps him manage his life better (everyone should have a bit of self-control; not just men but I think men of modern society would benefit a lot more from self-control). For men, self-control is what accountability is for women; they just avoid it, what would save a lot of issues, avoid problems and make life easier seems like a “boring” concept but claim to want a life of peace and less drama “I ask again, na ment?”.

It is easy to say “No” to sex. “It actually is; you’re just too broke and irresponsible to realize it yet”. The moment people are able to develop that discipline of controlling their urges, they would realize that the only power sex has over them is the power we actually give to it. The ability to be able to control desires, and urges isn’t one that can be done immediately, you certainly cannot do It if you are a person who isn’t self-aware either.

It takes more than just “speaking to the mirror every morning”, you have to come to a full understanding of what your life is, accept the harsh reality of the inconsistencies that plague your life, the disappointment, and understand your limits and what you know you lack, where your strengths are and what you believe can be improved on.

Understanding Sexual Discipline

Sexual discipline works the very same way, it follows the very same principle of life. You just need to figure out what matters to you more in life. It could be your status, your possessions, your family, your sanity or even a “dying wish”, if there is anything that means a lot to you and would require you to be sexually disciplined then you have what it takes to actually achieve it. If as a man, you are able to control your desires and discipline yourself to avoid unnecessary sexual encounters, women with loose intentions would find it very hard to jeopardize the life you created for themselves. Women with substance (and qualities that most man desires) however will go over and beyond for you.

How to discipline yourself

How then can you condition yourself to be sexually disciplined?

  1. Unlearn the lies about sex: Yes! They really are just lies; sex may be “fun”, but it really isn’t that “fun”. For a lot of people who are sexually active and being truthful to themselves, sex really is only pleasurable during the “act” of it, with the right person and at the right moment, or probably when there has a meaning attached to it. Besides that, it really isn’t all that, and usually, a result of bad decisions or leading to bad outcomes. For people who want more for their lives, they can actually learn sexual discipline by weighing the pros and cons before engaging in the act; this is a good way of gaining control over your desires.
  2. Discipline is more about what you avoid: People think discipline has to do with doing things and conditioning yourself to follow a routine but it actually has to do with avoiding things (habits) that put you in that condition. If you wanna lose weight, you don’t necessarily have to hit the gym every now and then; you simply watch what you eat or avoid what you used to eat. In like manner, avoid getting into situations that would make you fall prey to sex. It’s not easy of course but baby steps are always the best way to monitor progress. Try it!
  3. Get people involved: Post it on your socials, tell your mentors, your best friends, and your enemies, and get people involved; people who are keen to see you fail are usually the easiest people to tell. Doing this will keep you focused, knowing that you would probably be laughed at or taken as an unserious person is a good motivation to keep you on your toes and stand firm to the decision. Of course, you could easily lie to them if you wanted to, but why lie to yourself if you don’t believe you have it in you to at least try to be a better person.
  4. Celebrate small wins: This is very important even in life, many people do not know when or how to do this “I know this because I’m currently suffering this lol”. We need to understand that if we don’t celebrate our little wins when we do manage to get the big wins, it will not count for much. What you don’t celebrate, you won’t appreciate and if you don’t appreciate things in life, life becomes bleak and uneventful. By all means, celebrate every time you reject a booty call for a time studying *Ahem*, celebrate saving your money than spending it to impress.
  5. Set a goal and trust the process: Becoming sexually disciplined isn’t a goal per se, it’s a means to a goal. You need to have a goal, a vision or a target you hope to achieve and setting yourself on the journey of sexual discipline is a means to that goal. This is the best way to keep yourself on track and to understand the need to celebrate your wins and trust in the process. There is always a bigger picture to everything in life, you just need to be able to see it. When developing your self-control and sexual discipline towards achieving your set goals-you have your sights on the bigger picture which will only work in your favour.

Women oftentimes complain about the crop of men that society has produced today and wish for more traditional men, forgetting that the traditional men were mostly misogynist, abused women, didn’t see women on equal footing with a man and in some ways were tyrannical in how they handled their homes.

They were, however, very hardworking, dependable, protective, responsible (to some extent anyway), and for sake of their egos would never allow a woman to take up their responsibility.

It would be wrong to say men have worsened over time; however, it would be right to conclude that the quality of men in modern-day society has really fallen and we as men can do a whole lot better.

We can go on about our struggles and problems and it’d be valid but making excuses isn’t what makes a man or any responsible human being if we are being honest, and if we can choose to develop this singular trait of sexual discipline “especially we black men”, we could at the very least lead lives worth emulating for our kids and the younger generations to come.

I gotta go, i chop one kind rubbish suya last night, naso so shit i dey shit since. SOS!!!”

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