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HEARTBREAKS AND BREAKUPS: How to move on

Heartbreaks! “E don cast, last last, na everybody go chop breakfast”.

Abeg shift make I laugh first”, it may not make sense to a lot of people why full-bodied men and women would die because of the flimsy idea that they have found happiness in the arms of another human being “it certainly doesn’t make any sense to me” but in a world filled with hate, malice, strife, envy, and all manner of evil; it comes as a respite to find love and care from another person who isn’t related to you by blood or under no obligation to actually be a source of laughter and warmth, to take it upon himself or herself to do these things.

Heart break

So, you just lost this special person, and now your life seems like a lekki road in the rainy season “flooded with utter chaos”, and you are probably thinking one of many crazy things like most of us do when we lose someone special. The truth is, and I say this with all sincerity; there are two sides to love but yet a lot of people focus only on the good parts of it. Love is sweet as well as it is very bitter, love is comforting but also very dangerous. Love is pain, heartbreaks are part of life.

If you can understand that love can make people do the strangest things, bring out the most beautiful parts of a person and also bring out beastly versions of a person that could make even the devil envious, then you would be very careful with whom you are in love with. I say this because falling in love sounds very romantic and sweet but it’s better to stand in love “biko, make I no knack head for ground” and have your head in the game than fall with your heart and get hurt.

How to handle heartbreaks

So, what do you do to handle heartbreaks?

  • Understand you’re not the first to be heartbroken: Too many people don’t wanna hear this, but it is the truth. Everyone has been “served breakfast” and you won’t be the last person on earth to experience it “you are not that special abeg”. You also need to understand and this is very important; that all the promises and oaths that were said to you were really just words at the end of the day and if someone’s words can hurt you then your own words can heal you, because when it’s all said and done, you are responsible for your life and happiness.
  • It’s okay to let go: It really is, it’s okay to feel hurt, it’s okay to ache, and it’s also okay to understand it wasn’t meant to be. A lot of people have a problem letting go, they choose to cling to a false reality of hope “like most Arsenal fans”, they believe that if they show enough or prove themselves worthy, the partner would realize their importance. This is quite pitiful, wanna know why? Prince Harry would never think of Megan Markle as unworthy of his love, in as much as she wasn’t of his social status before they married. If you have to prove to someone that you are worthy then the problem is from YOU.
  • Self-Reflection: Most times the period of going through a heartbreak is usually a period of reflecting. You would want to reflect on how you lived and behaved and what you felt you could do better. You have to use the time that you have to think deeply about yourself and the things that are now important to you. So many people turn out for the worse after a bad breakup but you’d only be harming yourself and not the partner that left, thereby proving to them that they were right to leave. Decide to be better and let the decision come from a place of knowing rather than a place of hurting.
  • Surround yourself with love: As ironic and perhaps foolish that may sound but romantic love isn’t the only kind of love that is needed. Platonic relationships are usually the best kind of relationships and you’d realize that the people who truly matter to you will be there for you when you need them to and it won’t feel forced or abused; it would feel natural. It is good to have genuine platonic relationships where your well of feelings aren’t drawn from a place of lust. You need that kind of love.
  • Get a hobby: Seriously though, a lot of you would do with a hobby. Having something to do to get your mind off the breakup is a great way of not just dealing with the pain but also proving to yourself that in as much as you see yourself as fine gold; Gold in its original form is ugly and of no value, but after intense refining, it becomes one of the most sought after treasures in the world. So, find something to do, get your mind busy, get your body moving. Do it for yourself, you owe it to yourself to be happy because nobody will do it for you.

“I remember when I got heartbroken myself, back when I was 17 and I cried like a schoolgirl, clinching my bedsheets because the girl I thought I would spend my life with hurt me, lol. I actually thought I would never find anyone like she and I would become a playboy (I still did this tho), but omooo, life goes on. Make I kill myself because woman no gree for me? A whole spec! Nawa o lol”.

Rebounds don’t help

A very big mistake people often make when they choose to move on from a break-up is to jump right into another relationship “na ment”. This is actually why there are so many broken, dark, empty, and now transactional relationships. When a person who just felt the agony of heartbreak thinks it’s a good idea to get into the arms of someone else hoping to quell that hurt, it’s just a compound interest of hurt, drama, anger and a deep void that will be left of that person at the end of the day.

A relationship is not food my dear, I can promise you that you will live if you don’t have someone else tell you they love you. The sun will not fall, the stars will still shine, “President Buhari will still be president” and no village person will care to notice. Try and learn how to be by yourself, try and know who you are and what you want for yourself and from people, what you can tolerate and what you should never tolerate.

 Life is not a race where everyone has to abide by a certain rule before you can qualify or finish. Life really is just a pot of beans; you make your own rules as you go. Your parents can not make the rules for you, there is no assurance your rules are certain to get you your desired result. You are basically just throwing your fishing line into the water and hoping for a catch.

So, having that in mind, you really can not bother yourself so much about things that will bring you down and cause you to fail because disappointments are a part of life. Jesus was disappointed with his disciples but he knew he just had to continue with them hopping along the way they will fix-up. That is exactly how life is; you just have to keep moving, you just have to keep believing, keep trying, you have to know that disappointments will come about and even that is fine, a bad break-up could happen and yes that is fine too; life goes on and so will you.

“Up Nepa!!! Gotta run guys lol”

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