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BITTERNESS: LEARNING TO FORGIVE

So, I got hooked on this Miles Morales movie. I don’t like Marvel movies, but I have to hand it to them for Miles Morales; can’t wait for the part 2.

Who hasn’t been hurt before? It doesn’t come as a surprise when we get betrayed by someone, somehow, one way or another we just know the betrayal is coming. We could be hurt by family, friends, close associates or even strangers; there is a world of hurt out there and we are its target. We know what they say, “to err is human, to forgive is divine” and truly it would help to just forgive and let go of the hurt and the pain, but let’s face facts here; how many of us have it in us to forgive?

THE POISION IN BITTERNESS

Bitterness corrupts. When we get hurt by our loved ones, we expect some level of sympathy from them, we would like that they are able to be remorseful about hurting us and try to do better; more so because, they are people who we have given special access into our lives and are in a position to understand us better. So, its supposed to hurt when these special people turn around to initiate pain without any form of remorse.

Bitterness

Bitterness is borne from the anger that stems from that betrayal which matures into resentment, birthing bitterness and because of the levels of hurt one’s emotional state undergoes, bitterness has a stronger hold over people and perpetuates the most heinous of acts that almost certainly would cause an irreparable damage that the perpetuator would gladly take responsibility for.

Anger is a burst of negative emotions being expelled at once, actions taken in a feat of anger are almost regretted because the mind is not in a cohesive state to properly make any logical reason behind the action. Bitterness stems from a processed and well mediated thought process that includes all negative emotions well calculated to form a concise arrangement of deviousness all directed towards revenge.

FORGIVENESS

Its much easier to forgive someone when your emotions are cooled down, your head is in a level space and you can reason situations logically. Its another entirety all on its own when that said anger has matured into bitterness. The only way to overcome bitterness takes a concise effort to forgive, learn and choose to move on.

Forgiveness means a lot of things to a lot of people; some people believe true forgiveness comes with the act of forgetfulness but why I go forget person wey shook me knife? Forgiveness in summary meanstaking back the control of hurt a person has over you so as to regain your peace and move on with life. That is what forgiveness entails, choosing to forgive is simply deciding to take back control from the person that hurt you which has held you back in pain and hurt.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing the pain and hurt you felt, but rather, loving yourself and choosing your happiness over the thought of having another person take total control and firm grip over your life. It brings a level of peace that helps you go about your day a winner!

HOW DO WE LEARN TO FORGIVE?

  1. Firstly, you need to acknowledge that your life is worth more than what it is at the moment. You also need to acknowledge that any person who has caused you pain can not have front row seats in your life. Bitterness is a cage that keeps you prisoner and your abuser free; it holds you back, restrains you from ever making better life choices that can make you into a better person by forcing the image of your abuser into every facet of your life and being until you become a shadow of yourself living only to exert revenge with no hope to live or love or life.
  2. Speak with a friend; its too important and such point in your life to have someone to talk to and get advice from. Naturally, any advice that goes contrary to revenge may seem stupid and those friends may have their loyalty questioned by you several times but its very important to know, having contrary opinions to the negative thoughts and feelings you have is what you need to get to the point of forgiveness.
  3. You have to choose to forgive. It doesn’t matter what anyone does or says, if you don’t choose to forgive, you can never learn to forgive. You have to determine to forgive your abuser, for you to let go of the pain. If you haven’t come to the point where you are ready to forgive, you can never truly get in line with walking the path of forgiveness. It’s a choice that only you can make, the same way you chose to allow anger mature into bitterness, you’d have to choose to conquer it with forgiveness.
  4. Reclaim your control back. The moment you hold anyone in unforgiveness, you hold yourself back and tender the control of your life over to your abuser. Getting that control back requires a lot of strength, one that comes with the cost of time. Taking back control over your life puts you back on the track of life and not death.

WHAT TO DO IF YOU CAN’T FORGIVE

Its easy to preach forgiveness but let’s be honest, it takes the grace of God and a world of strength to bring yourself over to choose to forgive someone that hurt you. There are however times you want to forgive your abuser but you can’t bring yourself to do it; you want your power back but you just don’t have the strength to take it back.

Bitterness

Here’s what to do.

  1. Reflect on times you’ve needed forgiveness from God. It becomes a little bit easier to forgive when we know that sometime in the near future, we would require God’s forgiveness over our countless sins we commit every day. You can also reflect on times other people forgave you of the hurt you caused them and how life became easier for both parties.
  2. Forgiveness is a process. So baby-steps is actually the best steps to be taken when choosing to forgive. You may decide to take it slow and work your way into fully assembling the strength needed to take back your power and let go.
  3. Practise Empathy. If your abuser is seeking your forgiveness and seems to be truly sorry about what they did. Being empathetic can help summon enough strength to let go, of course it doesn’t come easy, so putting yourself in their shoes makes you understand the right steps to take before deciding to forgive.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean you must be friends with your abuser, it doesn’t also mean that you guys are good to continue your relationship as before and it’s all water under the bridge. No, your feelings were hurt and they have to be respected, forgiveness helps your feelings to get the respect it deserves because it gives you the strength to control the narrative and protect yourself from future harm.

It pays to forgive, God expects us to, he wants us to. God forgives us our sins without a second thought because he knows how fragile life can be and how every minute is precious to win a soul into the kingdom. He believes, if he can forgive your sins and you claim to love him, you should therefore forgive anyone who hurts you to show your love for him.

You can choose to forgive for the sake of Christ! You can choose to forgive, so that he can be pleased with you. Forgiveness is a power that is only to sons (daughters) who have the capacity to wield it.

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